Saturday, February 8, 2014
At the risk of writing something terribly controversial - and maybe even losing a few blog readers - my heart has this overwelming desire to share something with all potential PAPs. We started thinking and praying on adoption shortly after Joshua was born. For several reasons I was "warned" not to try to have other children. Being older parents, we really wanted a sibling for Joshua. So we started down a path - it started with China in 2007... started that process and then rules changed and we didn't qualify any longer - got on the Nepal list - and literally watched that program for a year (2009) and decided, no... we were not going to push forward on an adoption that by all accounts the government in Nepal would not likely complete. God directed us to India and we started the process..... and a few years later we have our Lauren. I recognize there is a dark world of sin, and I also recognize that Satan wants to continue for as long as he can to keep children without loving parents - because that is how he rolls. But since being in the world of adoption for literally seven years one thing I see over and over again... and I feel compelled to share........ When the government acts and it's a negative action against a PAP - why do we immediately say it's Satan at work? I'm not always sure it is.... I think scripture tells us to submit to governing authorities in Romans 13 (I don't think it says - submit to American governing authorities, or to only Christian faith governing authorities)... people across this globe are in power and position because God allowed it. He CAN change it. So with that said, what is God teaching us through these struggles..... may I suggest he's teaching us (and perhaps adoption agencies and social workers too)... that we should respect the rules established by governing agencies - even if we don't like it. What breaks my heart is to see a family being told by their adoption agency - I know you already have 6 children - but we can appeal their decision and fight further in a country that merely doesn't allow adoptions in larger families. Likewise rules on adopting out of birth order, or even to a single mom (Lauren was referred to an India woman before she was referred to us - who was an American resident/Indian - but she was single -and LOST the referral (I think about that alot - because our Lauren could be raised by an Indian that would likely be much better equipped to teach her about the Indian culture in ways that we can't) - but because the government / authorities said they wanted Lauren in a family that has a mother and a father....she's ours! God's plan for her was OUR family!! Now don't go off on me here - I know some of my friends are single mom's with adopted kiddos... that's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is... during the adoption process, if the government denies you - really search your heart about whether God's plan is different for you....and first and foremost, submit to the rules and decisions they make, even when we don't like it. For new families - I really think it's important to point-blank ask the adoption agency - what are the rules for successful Indian adoptions? Respect those rules.... and discern if it's right for you. I know several families that started in India and moved to other countries - I know others that started in other countries and moved to India. God would love nothing more than to place every child in a family - I'm certain about that - but what I'm not sure about is whether His plan is always the same as ours and I'm certain often times his timeline is no way near our timeline :) - and I just want families to think about that as they walk this journey. Only you will know if God's call on your heart is for India...I think it will persist and doors will open that provide you with such confidence you will know. But be careful with your hearts, not to mention your finances when it comes to denials - seek God's will and match that up with your own.... the child you thought he had for you, he does have a plan for - just in another family.... and your match is in His plan another way. It's also my understanding that photo books are not shared with the child until after court approval - at least that was how our orphanage handled it - so I'm not sure a lost referred child always does know that their referral "broke down".... as I read this - it sounds harsh or uncaring and that is not what is on my heart at all - I'm just wanting families to walk through this journey carefully - and to absolutely expect facts and success stories from their agency as to not fall into a terrible painful circumstance. While we are fighting and appealing decisions there just might be another child that God has planned for you .... he's just waiting for you to submit.