First leaving Lauren overnight

The trip was booked for a few weeks, the anxiety was growing... I had to leave to go across the country to San Juan Island, Washington for work.... and my family was staying home (my mom, Brad, Joshua AND Lauren)... all stayed at our house while I was gone.  The preparations were many.... I made lunches for Lauren and put them in her locker at school --- for all four days I planned to be gone.... I put 14 pair of new underwear in a baggie at school in her locker - because potty training just takes that many some weeks... along with a baggie of pants, socks, and shirts.... all set for the school accidents to come.  I washed Joshua's school uniform ready for the full week.... and I stocked up on groceries... I purchased small gifts for Joshua and Lauren -- labeled them for each day... and left them in the secret hiding place.  I talked to Lauren several nights in a row...."you know you are my forever daughter"...."u-huh"... "and I will come back for you after my work trip".... "I will be gone 4 days, ok"..... over and over again each night we went through this routine and she continued to say, "no" after each time I told her I'd be gone.... this wasn't going so well.  Until finally the night before I left we went through our routine and I said, "you know mommy's going away for four days.... let's count those on our fingers"...."and I will come back to you, right?".....and she finally said, "nefs"... which is her "yes"..... ahhhhh.... I think she really understands not to fear about mommy leaving.

While I was gone -- I talked on the phone when I could - but I got a whole new appreciation for the challenges of working with such a different time zone - and trying to call the eastern time zone area..... had a whole new appreciation for what our adoption agency rep goes through when calling families (since she's on the west coast)...... anyway... we talked maybe twice.... and I was amazed at how well she was doing.  My mom and Lauren bonded even deeper - and of course she and Joshua slept in our king bed each night.... what a great excuse to sleep in mommy's room.  I was so proud of how both kids handled my being gone.  (Joshua does have shorts on for bedtime below :))  daddy's wrapped like a burrito, Lauren is hot... Joshua snuggled in the middle of the king bed....ugh!

With each milestone... I feel Lauren is proclaiming this as her forever family -- with grace and confidence...and self-assured-ness :)  -- all by her actions.  She was great at school all week - didn't act out and continued to work on potty training.... Brad said she was also well-behaved at home.  That has continued since I got home last night.  She has a bit of a matured demeanor - if that makes any sense.  Who knows - maybe I'm imagining it -- but I do know that often the adoptions books (the ones that tell you don't leave your adopted child for at least a year after they are home).... don't get it right for all circumstances and families. 

I'm also reminded once again at how lucky I am to have Brad -- and my mom nearby.  Brad was great with the kids, playing, helping to fix lunches for Joshua, and even trimmed Lauren's bangs! My mom took the kids to school each day and picked them up --- and by Wednesday night (day 3)... when I called her she said, "Brad and I are exhausted"....LOL - that cracked me up - after three days of the kid routine I do each and every day ...day after day..... they both were "exhausted" -- such a labor of love - God provides all the strength we need right?  Has to be something divine going on for those hard working mommas.

Anyway... we survived.... all of us.... and my little girl seemed to change overnight with confidence and greater assurance.  God is so very good.

p.s. - Trip was great other than some flight delays and challenges. 
Baby plane I had to take from Seattle to San Juan Island - talk about scary - but so thankful my flight was delayed and I took the early Tuesday am flight -- colleagues on flight the day before got sick on the plane it was soooo bumpy, gusty, and stormy.... I would have freaked out.... thankful I was spared that challenge.

Weather was great, shopping amazing (went shopping with a friend while other colleagues went on a whale watching boat ride), and work time very productive with exciting assignments and neat strategic plans for the future.  I'm excited about our company's year ahead --- and I'm blessed to have such a great place to work....and a husband that supports my career while also appreciates my desire to be mommy too.   

Whale watchers coming back from their adventure....

View out our hotel.....



So now having done it ..... I know I can do it again when the duty calls :) 

My heart longing to be Indian

So last night we had a great time with our neighbors taking all the kids to the park for a picnic. And while there - an Indian family came to swing, play, etc. It is the first time I've seen an ENTIRE Indian family at our nearby park.... many times there are children and a mom -- but not the ENTIRE family unit. First dad was there and playing with the two children -- probably about ages 5 (a little girl) and 7 (a young boy) -- they played on the climbing structure -- and on the teeter totter -- they were swinging in swings. Then while they were playing....as Lauren continued to keep her eye right on them.... while I was pushing her in a swing... the mommy walked right in front of us.... in her beautiful Indian dress.... and Lauren watched her from left to right as the momma greeted her family.... they laughed and ran around...all 4 of them enjoying each other.... while Lauren watched and watched, not taking her eyes off of them.... while I continued to push her in the toddler swing.....and my heart broke.


Lauren was quiet and kept her head fixed on this family --- and my heart began to ache like nothing before. I can't be Indian for her. I don't think I have ever wanted so badly to just be Indian. I am not so naive to think that all the love and happiness we pour into her is enough ... she's Indian and I know will have a longing for what her family "should" have been in India. Brad joined me at the swing and I shared my observation. Of course he poured all his love into her -- doing all the things they normally do at the park together....and I joined in too - chasing her, etc. Trying desperately to make up for the fact that her mom ...... a.b.a.n.d.o.n.e.d...her...... how that fact pains my heart so deeply for her.

Then today, while going through her room - getting ready for Nanna's rummage sale next weekend, we cleared her armoire and I ran across her bangles that sweet Nickie (and Charu and family) mailed to us... we opened the package and much to my surprise it wasn't a solid bracelet as the package would lead you to believe --- it was TONs of thin bangles all lined up. So we began to put them on Lauren... she LOVED it. I also put on her Indian party dress and asked her if she wanted to wear it to church tomorrow.... and I asked her, "do you want mommy to wear her Indian dress to church too?".....she replied yes. ..... so we wrapped up our project and I confirmed one more time, "do you want to wear this sparkly dress tomorrow??"....and she pointed to her soft cotton American ruffle dress..... so she goes for comfort after all.... although the Indian dress is beautiful and embellished with all kinds of sequins etc.... we'll see how she feels in the morning. I'm processing this pain --- and the pain I'm sure she will one day face when she's older -- and I'm realizing, I will give her all I've got as a mom, leader, guide, friend, and parent..... I will empty myself for this child .... but the one thing that she may always long for I can't give to her .... an Indian momma.... so I'm absolutely sold out on the idea that the loss she experienced along with any other loss she will have in her life can ONLY be filled by Jesus..... can only be HEALED by Jesus..... and HE is sufficient!


"Ease is for heaven, not earth.  Life on earth is fundamentally out of shape and out of order by reason of sin.... so pains, disappointments, trauma..... etc. etc. await us in the future, just as they have overtaken us already in the past".... from a book I'm currently reading called... "God's Healing for Life's Losses" by Robert W. Kellemen..... it is amazing.

Potty train success and some other stuff :)

Just a quick update on life with Lauren.  :) 

We are in the throws of potty training, and she is doing so well.... we are so proud of her.  For those new to our blog - she's 3 1/2 and been home for about 7 months.  Our transition has been overall very good.... we have our days, but hey....every parent has those days, right? 

Her school is really helping with the potty training process.  They take her every 20 minutes to the bathroom - and if she's dry and goes - she gets a jelly bean.... if she doesn't go - then they try in another 10 minutes.  They are gradually extending the time and she is doing great!  She of course LOVES getting the candy -- "dandy" as she puts it.  At home we follow the same routine - only we take her about every 30-40 minutes.  She even went to the park recently for a good long time with no accidents..... this girl LOVES being outside. So we are well on our way to fully potty trained success.

I recall when we started the adoption process.... our agency told us that the ages of 2-3 really are a great age to bring a child home.  They are still young enough to be a "baby" yet old enough to know enough about what is going on with joining a new family, etc.  I think Lauren secretly likes for me to call her "my baby" - but she also loves to be independent - and do things on her own... so there is a real delicate balance between nuture and also letting this little bird fly.... we are so proud of how she's doing.

She is still taking speech therapy at her school to work on English development.  She's started to really take off with the english language -- trying to say anything...... and her crying or fussing when things don't go her way is really diminishing, especially when I tell her, "I don't understand, you must use your English".... then she stops fussing and tries to tell me what she needs. 

Today will be interesting.... we have Joshua's soccer game.  Two weeks ago, I took Lauren to Joshua's soccer practice and Brad had to work late so wasn't planning on coming to practice.  Well, Lauren was a "hot mess" as we say here in Kentucky.  She wanted to go on the soccer field and didn't understand WHY she couldn't play.  How do you explain organized sports to this girl???  Well she twisted and turned trying to get out of her stroller (which I brought to be able to contain her the best I could).... that only made her mad.  She's a strong willed little tyke.  So I got her out and also discovered she was wet....took her to the van for a change -- and called Brad to try to come home to get her and help me out.  It was rough... she wanted to play soccer with her brother soooo bad.  Every since, we have taken her to my mom's on nights for practice and she didn't attend his first game last Saturday.  Well today, my mom has plans.... so Brad and I plan to tag team with her and see how it goes at the game.  Folks, this is how it is with a little sensory seeker -- you have to be creative and sometimes change your environment, miss out on some things, etc.... because until they develop and learn how to process "the world" you have to decide what types of public things you can tolerate sharing all your struggles.... and it's really ok to miss a game or two -- we've learned in our family that EVERYONE makes sacrifices sometimes.  It's all good. 

Joshua has probably sacrificed the most - and I often remember my friend Sarah from Colorado telling me something on these lines.....-- having Lauren is the absolute best thing for Joshua -- he will learn the world doesn't circle around him and it's soooo much easier for a little guy to learn this at his age -- than for him to have to learn that lesson say, as a teenager or young adult...psst... I think some people never learn that lesson.  I'm thankful my adoption world includes people that will speak the truth to me.

Joshua and Lauren are coming along in their relationship.  They love and embrace each other -- but also have their moments where Joshua is just naughty and perhaps pushes her off his bed (like last night) during reading time -- but then she responds, not often....but last night she did --- with a good bite on his arm.  Both were wrong in their actions and got told about it - but there is something so very basic about survival instincts.  Lauren hasn't bitten for a very long time - but last night, I think it totally ticked her off to be pushed off the bed.... she cried and thought about it and then..... yikes!  Looks like we will soon need to teach the "turn the cheek" passage.  Meanwhile, we are settling into a good new normal..... some days great, others are a challenge....no one ever said this is supposed to be easy.  And when it's good.... it is sooo very good.... like playing outside on the swingset and having big brother push you on the swing. ...... Love these children.

Easter Day 2013

Enjoy a post of pics from church today.  Lauren loves her church and especially likes the homemade donut holes that Kuluba's wife makes every single week!  The kids all love them :)   Happy Easter from our house to yours!

 With Nanna

Momma, Daddy, Joshua, and Lauren

Silly faces......

Like brother....like sister....

I'm going with him, but just checking to make sure you are coming too :)

posing by the car -- I wish I could say something spiritual - like, "my kids were cheering Jesus' victorious rise from the grave"....but in reality - they were just doing a silly pose :)

 

A Life with Lauren update - and Easter 2013

Time with Friends:
A few weeks ago, Lauren, Joshua and I went to Cincinatti to visit some other adoption friends.  We got to meet Munni, who just came home from India.... she's a cutie!  And we also got to meet four other mommas - of which one is Munni's mom and the other three are waiting for their child to come home still.  We all had a great time in the hotel and out to eat!  Kristen (Munni's mom) took us to all the best restaurants, including an amazing Indian restaurant, and Colista had the best home made cookies for the hotel room.... so we were set! We talked until wee hours in the morning - mostly about adoption....adoption....adoption!  But we also shared things of the Lord and prayed for these children to come home soon.  It was a really nice time....for anyone in the adoption process, I encourage you to engage in friendship building through blogs - it's truly a beautiful thing.  The other thing I've noticed is --- families in the adoption process talk a similar language - that quite frankly people not in it - don't always understand.... so it is awesome to have close friends that "get it".  I am so very blessed to have met these awesome ladies.... that I know I can say are my friends.... and when we meet again, we will pick up right where we left off!!
When we went to eat at this pizza place - the kids got entertained for a good long time just watching the guys make pizzas including throwing the dough in the air - which I couldn't seem to catch on camera.  :)

Swimming:
Lauren experienced her first swimming in a hotel pool (well, really second...but a pool in India coupled with two seconds and terror screaming doesn't really count).  Lauren absolutely LOVED swimming in the pool - and wanted to be free to swim on her own - which I wasn't about to allow.  Since we've been home - Brad has taken her twice to the YMCA pool - and she is just nuts over it!  Today she got to swim with a life jacket on - so was a bit free - and Brad said she paddled herself around and really enjoyed it.  I see swimming lessons in her future real soon!

Deeper Bonding:
One thing that happended while we were in Cincinatti was when the kids and I went to the hotel for nap time - all the other girls went off for a pedicure - so we were in our hotel room with the living room center and their attached room all alone.  We had been leaving all the connecting doors open - so guess what happened??  Lauren - while trying to avoid a nap - went wandering around - and slipped into their room before I could stop her and SHUT the connecting door.  Well as you know, from the other side of the door (my side) the door doesn't have a door knob.  So Lauren tried to get the door open - but it was either locked or too hard for her to turn -- so yep - she was locked into the adjoining room (of which I did not have a key for!).... Joshua and I tried to talk her through opening the door - but she was clearly struggling.  I went to the living room area to call the front desk -- and unbeknownst to me - Joshua went into the hallway to talk to Lauren at the exterior door -- as I was on the phone - my little 7 year old Joshua talked Lauren through the process of opening the exterior door and got her out safely (as Joshua puts it.... I rescued her... while momma was freaking out)... yep - I guess he's right. He even remember to swing the top safety lock on our door so he could get back into our room!! (Ok, you know... we think our boy is pretty smart!!)  They ran into the living room area - Joshua dropped to his knees and Lauren came up to hug him and sit on his lap as he rocked her and patted her back.  I hung up from the front desk thanking them and reporting "never mind".... and totally enjoyed the moment between brother and sister.  And I thought - yep - this is why we adopted .... because one day when Brad and I are either old -- or even passed on -- they will have each other.  God is so very good.   This also has helped Joshua grow up tremendously -- right before our Cinci trip - we went to one session of Play Therapy - where our counselor said to Joshua as we all stood by, "Joshua, your job in the family is to play with Lauren - but also to keep her SAFE during play"... "so, while you like to wrestle, etc... is that keeping her safe?" - he paused to think - and replied, "yes", knowing full well that it wasn't.... she corrected him - and we reminded him periodically about what Joan said.  We love Joan - she has studied under Dr. Karyn Purvis - so of course, we are sold out on her techiniques... it's really been great so far for our family dynamics!.... Back to the locked door -- so when Joshua "rescued" Lauren - I went nuts with praise on him and told him several times, "that is awesome!! that is just what Joan was talking about - taking care of Lauren and loving her - looking out for her safety" -- since then, he's told the story several times to our friends - and even took Lauren to show-n-tell at his school to tell the story -- I think he's passed a major milestone as Big brother.

Newport Acquarium:
On our way out of town - Joshua, Lauren and I went to Newport Acquarium.  Lauren loved most of it -- but especially the "gucks" AKA ducks, which were really penguins.  Joshua has been there before - but also loves the penguins.

Easter Egg Hunt:
Roll the days and weeks forward -- and now we're ready to celebrate Easter.  Lauren finally got the idea of picking up Easter Eggs at our hunt today -- especially when she discovered chocolate inside each one.  It was funny, she was inspecting the inside of each one she picked up - before putting in her bag.  She's something else!  And tomorrow is Easter! 

Waiting for the egg hunt to begin

                    Lauren needed daddy's help,  Joshua was a pro

Tradition is to recyle the eggs - so all the families go empty the candy so the church has eggs for next year.  Kids don't mind leaving the eggs behind - because hello... the chocolate is the best part!  I totally hate that I missed getting a picture of the field before the kids got out there.  I know if I were Mer or Kristen - I would have thought of that beautiful picture. :)  - It was a huge field full of eggs - and Mrs. Brenda separates by age group with orange cones :)

 Then inside for crafts and the puppet show with Mrs. Brenda - the children's pastor -- of course they tell the real Easter story and the kids love it!  We love our intentional church! 

Lauren with her Wed. night small group leader :) Love Mrs. Shannon

Lauren and Brenda - Lauren asked Mrs. Brenda about the "woo - woo" which means dog to Lauren, so Mrs. Brenda got the puppet back out and played on the floor... kids loved it.

Joshua and Lauren trying to feed the dog sweet tarts - Lauren could not figure out why this dog could not swallow his snack!  pssst... I think she thought he was real :)

Struggles:
Well, six months home with Lauren and our only struggles are these:  1.) I am the only one that can put Lauren to bed - why this is a problem??....well in about a month I leave for a 4 day business trip - over night - by myself - and Brad and Joshua will have Lauren at home by themselves....well, I think my mom may come over too - for a female in the house  - but boy am I worried about this! As Brad puts it, "Renae, you are her oxygen"... so my heart hurts thinking about it.  We began practicing with Brad puttig Lauren to bed last night....didn't go so well..... and 2.) This girl still isn't potty trained - and I think isn't all that interested in it at the moment.  I think really she's regressing -- she was so much better earlier on when she first started potty training, but I think it's gone on too long - she's not that crazy for the chocolate M&S's because she gets other chocolate at other times.... and frankly the pull ups are too absorbant - so being wet doesn't seem to bother her.  She's gotten lazy about potty training, for sure.  I REALLY want her potty trained before summer.... but who knows. 

Praises:
We are all well, kids love school and each other, we have a great summer planned of camps and fun, and Lauren's English is really picking up through speech therapy and just living life at home :)  So thankful for our church.  As we left the egg hunt, both Brad and I said, how lucky we are to have a church that brings in seekers - but isn't pushy, recognizes that egg hunts (even though are "of the world") can also incorporate the REAL Easter story -- and a church that constantly reminds our kiddos how much God loves them -- and how they also love each other through example.... we are blessed.  But what is greatest of all, is that Lauren feels right at home there -- the teenage girls come to her and want to hug her - hold her - say hello.  Lauren roams around saying hi to people and making herself at home -- and I know I can always find her in the large room for kids at the end of any event, with Joshua shooting basketball hoops! I pray both our kids remain connected to this church - because through attendance and intentional work --- PLUS us at home, we pray they will know Jesus for themselves.  Pouring into the soul.....let the grace overflow!