This blog documents our adoption journey (our daughter is from India). Now that she's home with us and we are a complete family of four (we also have a son, Joshua) this blog serves to share a variety of topics, adoption related, parenting..... just everyday life. Check out our FAQ on adoption questions, along with any other questions commonly asked.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Romans 13 Submission to Governing Authorities
At the risk of writing something terribly controversial - and maybe even losing a few blog readers - my heart has this overwelming desire to share something with all potential PAPs. We started thinking and praying on adoption shortly after Joshua was born. For several reasons I was "warned" not to try to have other children. Being older parents, we really wanted a sibling for Joshua. So we started down a path - it started with China in 2007... started that process and then rules changed and we didn't qualify any longer - got on the Nepal list - and literally watched that program for a year (2009) and decided, no... we were not going to push forward on an adoption that by all accounts the government in Nepal would not likely complete. God directed us to India and we started the process..... and a few years later we have our Lauren.
I recognize there is a dark world of sin, and I also recognize that Satan wants to continue for as long as he can to keep children without loving parents - because that is how he rolls. But since being in the world of adoption for literally seven years one thing I see over and over again... and I feel compelled to share........
When the government acts and it's a negative action against a PAP - why do we immediately say it's Satan at work? I'm not always sure it is.... I think scripture tells us to submit to governing authorities in Romans 13 (I don't think it says - submit to American governing authorities, or to only Christian faith governing authorities)... people across this globe are in power and position because God allowed it. He CAN change it. So with that said, what is God teaching us through these struggles..... may I suggest he's teaching us (and perhaps adoption agencies and social workers too)... that we should respect the rules established by governing agencies - even if we don't like it. What breaks my heart is to see a family being told by their adoption agency - I know you already have 6 children - but we can appeal their decision and fight further in a country that merely doesn't allow adoptions in larger families. Likewise rules on adopting out of birth order, or even to a single mom (Lauren was referred to an India woman before she was referred to us - who was an American resident/Indian - but she was single -and LOST the referral (I think about that alot - because our Lauren could be raised by an Indian that would likely be much better equipped to teach her about the Indian culture in ways that we can't) - but because the government / authorities said they wanted Lauren in a family that has a mother and a father....she's ours! God's plan for her was OUR family!! Now don't go off on me here - I know some of my friends are single mom's with adopted kiddos... that's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is... during the adoption process, if the government denies you - really search your heart about whether God's plan is different for you....and first and foremost, submit to the rules and decisions they make, even when we don't like it.
For new families - I really think it's important to point-blank ask the adoption agency - what are the rules for successful Indian adoptions? Respect those rules.... and discern if it's right for you. I know several families that started in India and moved to other countries - I know others that started in other countries and moved to India. God would love nothing more than to place every child in a family - I'm certain about that - but what I'm not sure about is whether His plan is always the same as ours and I'm certain often times his timeline is no way near our timeline :) - and I just want families to think about that as they walk this journey. Only you will know if God's call on your heart is for India...I think it will persist and doors will open that provide you with such confidence you will know. But be careful with your hearts, not to mention your finances when it comes to denials - seek God's will and match that up with your own.... the child you thought he had for you, he does have a plan for - just in another family.... and your match is in His plan another way.
It's also my understanding that photo books are not shared with the child until after court approval - at least that was how our orphanage handled it - so I'm not sure a lost referred child always does know that their referral "broke down".... as I read this - it sounds harsh or uncaring and that is not what is on my heart at all - I'm just wanting families to walk through this journey carefully - and to absolutely expect facts and success stories from their agency as to not fall into a terrible painful circumstance. While we are fighting and appealing decisions there just might be another child that God has planned for you .... he's just waiting for you to submit.
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Renae, We also started in China in 2007 and job losses changed that. We have gone to India twice to bring a daughter home and now we are currently in the China program waiting to bring our daughter and son home.
ReplyDeleteWe have learned that God is in charge ! And God is good !!!
Sometime I catch myself wondering how we will come up with the funds but I know God has this covered.
Absolutely - it's amazing how he comes through for us, isn't it?
DeleteI also think adoption agencies have a role to play here -- they need to be absolutely honest about the likelihood that a country will approve your family, let you adopt out of birth order, etc.
ReplyDeleteNancy
Nancy, totally agree - I think some agencies just want the family on "their rolls" - painful as that may sound.
DeleteRenae, I do agree that if a family pursues an adoption from a country in which they don't qualify, they need to recognize the fact that they may be denied. I don't agree, however, that it is a matter of submission. If I lived in an Islamic country and the government abducted my son because I became a Christian, I would do everything in my power to get that child back, despite that government's policy.
ReplyDeleteSome families who try to adopt from a specific country, despite the guidelines of that country, are trying to rescue a very needy child. Many of these children are never adopted and I do not believe that is ever God's will. It is the result of sin. The child whom we tried to adopt from India, is almost 13. She has developed a tumor in her brain and is still at the children's home. She NEEDS to be adopted, but as of yet, no other family has stepped forward.
I do believe that countries have a right to set guidelines, and in the case of family size (why we were denied adoption from India), I understand the reasoning behind the guideline. But, I also think that it is okay to ask for an exception and I think that a country should be willing to make some exceptions, especially in the case of hard-to-place children.
I would also point out that if we all simply submitted to our government, blacks would not have the right to vote, and the Israelites would still be in Egypt.
Bless you, Renae! Despite the fact that we disagree on this issue, I still think that you're pretty awesome. :)
Sometimes, too, Renae, it has nothing to do with the agency or with the families that they are in the situation they are in. For instance, one family who was denied this week was because their file was sent to a RIPA, and the RIPA was the one who matched them with a child who was out of birth order. So the orphanage is 100% behind the match, and C*R* denied it. So they are appealing the denial, and the orphanage is appealing it, too. :) So, things are not always as clean cut as they might seem on the outside. I really do thing adoption is a battle a lot of the times. I think that the Lord waged a mighty battle on our behalf to adopt us into our family. Sometimes the will of God is hard....and you do have to push against principalities. Love you.....
ReplyDeleteMer
Thanks for your comments - ladies -- at the end of the day I want families that read my blog and email me with questions to be careful about which referrals they accept (some families feel they should accept any referral presented to them without consideration of whether they can parent the needs of the child... I don't want families to feel that pressure), or which children they include in their home study (age, special needs, etc.) - because I want children successfully home with families. I'd rather see children available for others than to be caught in appeal with a family that may not end successful, while the child continues to age. It's ok to disagree, this adoption stuff can be difficult and I'm happy to show here there are differences of opinion. I certainly understand the challenges relating to adopting difficult to place children. My main goal for my blog readers is that they are informed. In our Nepal forum, families were under appeal for children for as long as 8 years, before the country closed. I'm not suggesting India is closing, nor am I suggesting that I believe people should submit to abuse or abduction by their governments.... I'm merely suggesting that when new families get into the adoption process.... proceed with a wealth of information, caution, and understanding of the rules (or even the risk of a court's preferences for approval, CARA decisions, etc) that India has established that they use to adopt out their children. Certainly the will of God is hard at times - I don't doubt his mighty power to make all things right. For families, trust in him to lead you - remain informed, and ask your agencies a whole bunch of questions about successful adoptions - and keep your eyes on the goal of a completed adoption for your family.
ReplyDeleteWe just finished a very faith building Bible study on how God uses the evil of this world to accomplish His purpose. I don't agree that a negative action caused by a government against a PAP is always the will of satan. There is a spiritual battle raging over the lives of our children and the orphans, but I believe that God is sovereign over every detail of our adoptions and these children's lives. You can't adopt a child without fighting for them, parents need discernment to know if the doors are closing because they are not supposed to adopt from that country, or that child in particular or even adopt at all. They also need discernment to know if they are to continue fighting. And when we say things are happening at "satan's hand" does that glorify him? Satan can do NOTHING without God willing it and/or allowing it to happen. It's a hard truth to understand and accept. But, I believe that when those trials come during our adoption process we really have to keep our eyes on Jesus and trust that His plan and His will is better than ours and even if we never see the good that will come out of "evil" in our lifetime, and still seek to Glorify Him in that process.
ReplyDelete