I have some crazy dreams sometimes....

Each night when I go to bed - I pray on Lauren. Pray for her safety, health, happiness and for us to have her soon. Last night after I was long asleep, I began dreaming of the day we were to pick her up... it was a beautiful dream, gone a little nutty.... (as mine usually do)... we got to the orphanage...and someone said, "oh, she went home with someone else"...oh, it was terrible... then they said, "but we have this little girl for you".... and handed me this 5 year old girl that I could hardly hold in my arms ...not only was she heavy, but she didn't want me to hold her...she was terribly cute and a wonderful child of God, but she wasn't our Lauren. I pulled out our picture of Lauren and said, "there must be some mistake... she is ours, God planned HER for us"...and I began my momma bear fight (not really a fight...just proclaiming) for you. There is no turning back.... you are ours and we are yours. And we looked around the room, and there sat this little girl with shoulder length curly hair...and they said, "we're so sorry, she IS here.... we got confused". We were filled with joy of finding you. We proceeded to sit on the floor and play with the children, Brad and I, as they surrounded us laughing and playing...almost overtaking us. Isn't that the craziest dream? One thing I know...is these orphanages KNOW their children, so this would NEVER happen...but I think this is my own stress and fears of something happening and not getting to you. We are longing to get to you....and we will continue to wait patiently and do whatever it takes for you. And I won't quit praying for you...even right before bed..even if I end up with these crazy dreams.... because you are ours and we love you with our whole heart.

Southland Christian Chruch Adoption and Orphan Event

November 6, 2011 - 1:00 to 4:00 Southland Christian Church is having an adoption event. This would be a great time for anyone considering adoption to check it out. This church has a great adoption support group -we don't attend church here - but the people we meet in the group are so welcoming and loving.... and really educated on adoption matters, issues with children, treatments and therapies. Finding this group and connecting with them has been one of the greatest gifts in this whole process.

I'm glad we have these types of things to do to help us pass the time as we wait for word on Lauren. We also LOVE talking about India adoption and our agency.... we really see it as a ministry to spread the love for orphans and give families hope that if God calls them to adopt...He will provide all they need through the process. He is just that good!

Wondering if our adoption rep was able to see little Lauren, wondering if she got our family photo book, wondering if she sleeps with it (it's a baby photo album that is cloth)...or carries it around. Wonder what is going on in that little being and what she's thinking of her new family. Can't wait to see updated pictures - praying the visit was possible and we hear soon. Meanwhile, we wait patiently, because we know God's timing is perfect.

Loving you, little one.
Mommy and Daddy

Today is Joshua's 6th Birthday

My sweet Joshua - how did I ever deserve you? You are the sweetest, kindest, young boy - with a great heart. Your curiousity for learning, your natural mechanical abilities are both qualities that God has given you, and I wonder how in life you will use them. I know one thing, You are going to make a great big brother! We love you with our whole heart!

Seems like only yesterday you had that baby natural mohawk and that great toothless smile.

Loving you today and always. ~Moma and Daddy.

I really need some news

This certainly sounds like a whine, but I really need some news on Lauren. This part of our wait has been the most challenging...and I just want to hear something. We race home to check email every day.... we go to the mailbox in full anticipation of news....anything... Our agency is in country, and I know very busy with meetings and seeing children for many, many families, etc... but I'm feeling so selfish at the moment and just want to hear about our baby girl.

I think it's partly that I'm tired, we've been so busy at work...and stress is kicking in ... so all emotions on deck, and I really could use some good news. News for our baby girl, or someone else we know too.... anything just something positive. Praying for you little one (along with some other kiddos on their way home too, just stuck a bit in the procees)... every day... and daddy is too!

Embracing imperfection, being real, being who we were meant to be

Brad and I watched the movie Legendary tonight, while Joshua got to spend the evening with his Nana. It was a really good movie about wrestling of all things. But more importantly it was a movie about forgiveness, family, accepting defeat, and being yourself. It got me thinking, in our society so many people strive for perfection .... and funny thing is sometimes people have said to me, "you're a perfectionist"..... that makes me laugh. If you could only see my house and piles of laundry! My office at work is a mess ... etc. I'm hardly a perfectionist. One thing I have learned over time though is that a career is not more important than family. A sport is not more important than family (or piano lessons, swimming lessons)...etc. Our kids like activities, but it's really the parent's responsibility to determine when it's too much....and I'd say most kids are overbooked, and under-nurtured.

I'm not sure how to teach imperfection or failure... you see, sometimes there is a fire in our belly that believes if you try hard enough you will succeed, it you work hard enough things will always be ok. I confess, I have that fire at times. I have to remember that God is the driver and I'm the passenger...things usually work better in my life when that's the case. But what about teaching our kids????

This week at soccer practice, Joshua had a great time with his coach and friends...but after practice, a friend from his school was over kicking in balls into the net.... practice was well over. I want to foster the relationship with this kid and Joshua, so I go over and "pretend" to be Beckham (sp?) and take a shot for myself. That's all it took and before you know it I'm playing soccer with two 5 year olds. They loved it when I was the goalie because I cheered them on with "ok, kiddos....let's see whatcha got"..... Joshua kicked many times...rarely made a goal (because I could stop his)... but his friend (who is the same age)...had that real natural athletic look and mannerisms...and he could KICK.... zoomed right past me several times. They giggled and had a great time "buzzing" mommy. Until finally I had to count them down to a few more tries, because we needed to get home. Phillip, Joshua's friend and his dad ...also needed to leave...so they went off walking together....and Joshua came up to me and started crying. I was shocked, "what is it J-man" and he replied, "I didn't get any goals"... wow, in my playing with both boys it didn't even occur to me that none of his kicks made it to the goal...and most of his friend's kicks did. Wow, what do you say to a 5 year old that is crying. So I played some more and allowed his ball to make it past me....I know, I know.. I shouldn't have "let" him get goals, but it broke my heart. He is terribly competitive, he always has been... I need help in teaching him to fail. He's terribly smart...but just not all that athletic (which is fine by me).... but his heart wants to be like his friends. If anyone has any tips...would love to hear them. He's learning a lot about God and Jesus ... but it's hard when these life situations happen. In the games previously, he did get goals (but that was before we moved up to this age bracket and now we have a goalie)... so we've been praising him for his defense, which he is really good at...and he can run like crazy! How to you teach a child less of self and more for others, sacrifice your goal to be that good defender or passer of the ball .... my heart's cry for him is that he doesn't get into always wanting something different than how God designed him. He loves soccer, and this league is a church league that is not competitive at all, which is good...but what happens as he gets older and realizes, he just might not be talented enough for it? Ideas? Ideas..??

Bittersweet adoption news - break my heart for what breaks yours

We learned this week that India is not accepting new dossiers until the end of the year - they were planning on beginning again in October, but that has been moved back 3 months. This is so bittersweet for me because we've been told we are one of 550 files currently in process that will be priority, but that means others in the adoption world that are anxiously awaiting, some likely are those which I blog back and forth with.... will be put "on hold". I feel so conflicted by this... it's hard to celebrate knowing our file will likely be processed soon, when so many others are waiting :(

At church this week our pastor used a visual of a child in Sudan dying of hunger with a vulture near by....it's a famous photo by a man named Carter, it won him acclaim and prize (you can google it). This photo has been with me every since, as I cry out to God why doesn't He just bring RAIN? The people of Africa need water for food. Our world is in such need....as are our orphans. What repentance must occur to bring relief to Africa, or is there some other work that must be done.... why do you hold out rain, Oh, Sovereign Lord?

I am thankful, because every update we get from our agency indicates that the children of India are very well cared for.... but my mind is drawn to the street kids and those without an orphanage. I have friends that spend many weeks a year serving in a village in Kenya, Africa and I've been to Africa twice and seen street kids without shoes and very little to eat digging through garbage for just a small morsel... and I ask our God, "why won't you just bring rain?".... what is holding back this blessing? As we wait for answers of many of life's questions... God, what in me do you want to change? Refine me Lord, mold me... make me ALL yours. Meanwhile, save the innocent children.... break our hearts for what breaks yours.... call us to action to support the cause of famine, show us things in our local community that breaks your heart too. Bring special needs children home to have better access to medical care they so desperately need. Bring aging orphans home to begin the healing of not having a family of their own when they were younger. Heal the sick, the wounded, the hurting Lord... all for your glory, because we know with faith that you have a plan and we trust in you, we humbly ask that you hear our prayer for the needy.