Home Study Visit Complete :)

Don't you just meet the neatest people during the adoption process?? Our social worker is so awesome. She's very easy-going, organized, kind, and also thorough. I think she really feels the desire to know our family - how we operate - and share advice. We are very near having this "update complete" - so all is well... in a couple of weeks all the updated background checks will be in and she can finalize her report. Then it's off to USCIS again, I assume we get updated prints...and then we wait for travel.

I KNOW she's going to be a great resource when we bring Lauren home. She has such patience with my never-ending questions... like our discussion today about baby gates :) - and how many we might want to consider, given our stairs....how long we keep them up, at what age can they be removed... etc. What is so hard is...when you have a newborn, you KNOW they are not going to climb out of the crib and start moving around the house. With a walking 2 1/2 year old -- there is a bit more unknown...I told her, I'm sure I won't sleep for a good year after she's home... and we're even co-sleeping in the beginning!! When she does eventually move to her own room...and own bed... I'm certain I won't sleep. Maybe I need to consider a sleeping bag for her room ...for ME on the floor by HER bed :) I can see myself praying through these fears on a daily basis. I think the issue is, we love our children so much - sometimes, we just need to realize, as a good friend told me once about fears raising Joshua, "Renae, your baby is here on this earth loaned to you from God -- he (Joshua) is God's child - He will protect him. You just need to be the best caretaker of this child and leave the rest to the Lord".... whoa, Nellie (as Dr. Purvis would say) -- that's preachin...but oh so true! So Lord Jesus, if you trust me enough again... I'm willing to be the best caretaker of another one of your children...just as long as you don't leave me for even a second :)

p.s. - I'm also ever thankful for the growing group of PAP/friends I've met and continue to meet along this journey. Seriously, without all of you to share life's experiences... the ups and downs... it would be so much harder. You all, I consider one of God's greatest provisions.

Twas the Night before our Updated Home Study Visit

I know.... I just have to go there....sorry too tired to make it rhyme.

Twas the night before our updated home study visit and all through the house not a sound is to be heard, but mommy plunking on the computer - calculating financial figures for the home study update.

While daddy and Joshua are tucked into bed - tired after chores they had tonight tidying up for our social worker tomorrow.

I sit here - not in my jammies, but still in work clothes... dreaming of you, giddy with anticipation, excited to see India visitors (and others too) on our blog and hearing so much adoption news these days from other families.

I pause with joy at the evening's earlier events, where I found Joshua playing in Lauren's room with toys... surely he was dreaming of you too. When asked what he was doing, his reply, "making up pretend stories to tell Lauren".

But my greatest joy of the night was when asking Joshua to help pick up toys and other chores for our meeting tomorrow for the adoption -- his reply was, "sure, anything for Lauren".... oh my heart soared! Little Miss, you are going to have an awesome BIG brother, who can't wait for your arrival.

Good night all .... hope you are dreaming too of your presents to come... it is certain to be one of God's greatest gifts. (Paperwork, what paperwork... it's a piece of cake) :) All for you, my love...all for you.

Don't let the process get ya down

Well, here we are in the closing months of our long wait for our daughter. Fingerprints expire May 7, 2012. It's easy enough to update fingerprints, but along with the application for the update is the requirement to submit an updated home study. Our home study doesn't expire until sometime in June of 2012 -- and well, it's entirely possible we will travel in May of 2012 -- or even earlier. BUT the process to do these things takes so long, we have to do them basically now to ensure they are done JUST IN CASE our travel date is after their expiration. This process can be so frustrating at times. Really the frustration is multi-fold: 1.) the prints are free, but the home study update is like $550 2.) the completion of one more application - intense reading of instructions and fear of filling something out incorrectly 3.) scheduling our social worker again, making arrangements for another visit, paying her mileage... and did I mention it costs $550 to update?? 4.) oh yea, and we have to take off work to go to Cinci for the fingerprints. But hey, who is keeping a list of challenges, right? If you can endure the paper chase of adoption - you can certainly handle any challenge life may throw at you. It can be so disheartening. BUT, at the end .... there is this child that will change your whole world.... she will be the daughter (or son) you've longed for, the sibling for your existing children, the child that brings a new dimension to your life.... a child you will have that your entire purpose is to connect, bond, grow them up, teach them life lessons, and live life as a family. So, I praise the Lord for this calling, even in this challenge ... and remind myself, "don't let the process get ya down".

The rollercoaster of adoption

They say adoption isn't for the weak of heart - I totally agree. During this entire process I have experienced so many ups and downs...times when I thought news of our daughter was just around the corner (to find out no news yet) -- and times of great joy getting to see a picture of her lovely face for the first time. It has been a rollercoaster of many emotions, multiple countries, over a period of many, many years.

When I think about our pregnancy with Joshua, I recall the same emotional ups and downs... at one point thinking surely something would happen to the pregnancy, to news he might be born with Downs syndrome, to the joy of hearing his delayed cry at birth, and to find he was born "normal", healthy, with big bright eyes that would look into my soul. (Not to mention the morning sickness that for me lasted all day long.... the heat in the summer months being huge with a belly... and the fatigue ... honestly, I didn't enjoy being pregnant). I recall during all those ups and downs... our Lord being right by my side, giving me peace. After all, he knows me sooo well... and knows He designed me with great passion and strong emotions (I think I mentioned I cry very easy :) so he knows I need an extra dose of peace often! I say that out of the utmost respect for any woman unable to have children and with no intent of hurting them or anything like that (which I do have a few of those ladies in my life). I just mean, with all honesty... there are such similarities going through the adoption process to being pregnant... only if you have experienced both can you really understand. I know, I've seen blogs where some hate it when women make this comparison... but I pray all open their heart to my sincere love and appreciation for their pain, and even perhaps give the experience of adoption a try.

Praying for Lauren and several other PAPs and orphans in India also brings me great sadness and longing for these children to be united with families...but it also brings me great joy. Today was one of those days….of great joy. During my prayer time, I received such a sense of peace from God that He's in total control and has it ALL figured out. After my prayer time, Shawn McDonald’s song “Rise” came on. For those who don’t know this song, I encourage you to click on youtube and give it a listen or read the lyrics below….the up beat song is well worth the listen. It is so empowering! I absolutely LOVE it. For me, it’s about submission of self and letting Christ who is in me be the driver of my life. When I truly do that…. I find peace. I know He is working on these adoptions to bring children home, I know we are changed forever for the process and the friendships we build along the way, and I know I am ever thankful for him knowing and loving me this much!

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Artist: Shawn McDonald

Planning 2012

Yesterday Brad and I sat down and listed our goals for the upcoming year. It was a great conversation on planning for our family, our work...you know life stuff. During the course of that conversation - we discussed when we "think" we'll be traveling to pick up Lauren.... counting the months, etc. It seems like maybe May 2012. I wonder if God knows exactly what He's up to bringing her home in May :) Joshua wants to spend the summer with her -- "and get to know her". One previous conversation - he was like, "momma, I don't want to go to summer camp - I want to stay home this summer".... I told him it would depend on how Lauren was doing - and how things were going. That I might need him to release some energy at a camp a few days a week...but it really depends on how she is doing transitioning into our family. He replied, "and whether or not she likes me"... I replied, "I know babydoll {yep - still use those lovie - dovie names for him even though he's 6 -- he just might as well get used to it, because it will probably not stop any time soon}....anyway.. "I know babydoll she is going to more than like you....she's gonna LOVE you!" I think he really doesn't know what to expect. We've tried to prepare him for her crying, etc.... but I'm not sure his 6 year old mind can fully imagine what it might really be like.

During my conversation with Brad - we counted out months and discussed several possibilities - with travel, Joshua's school, who would have him while we're gone....summer vacation - travels for Christmas - really just trying to get on the same page ...based on how we feel right now, knowing that could all change when Lauren is home, but at least start thinking about the new year. So in typical Renae style.... I went to bed and began dreaming of bringing little Lauren home -- In my dream, I counted months, and months, over and over again.... it kept ending at the same point...but it was a dream filled with excitement and happiness of meeting and brining our little lady bug home. I REALLY can't wait at this point, and I pray that nothing happens to delay the process. Meanwhile, we wait and continue to grow her deeper and deeper in our hearts :)- pray for a quick and mild winter :)