India journal writings - Sept. 5, 2012

Hi yall it's nap time - so I get a brief opportunity to update blog - before the mad dash begins to pick up the house and get some laundry going :)  - all before little miss wakes up.  She's a GREAT sleeper - and for that I am blessed to have a brief time to reflect.  Today we went to a play date at church - she didn't really engage which surprised me and I'm reminded this process is in "baby" steps and she's tough, and strong, and resilient, but also so very fragile too.  It's all good.... getting into a good routine of dropping off Joshua to school, having a morning activity, having lunch, then her nap time.  Pick up Joshua from school, and then play time until daddy gets home for dinner.   She played outside on our play set last night and loved it!  Went up and down the slide - and Brad even got to HOLD HER!!  Of course that's because the neighbor's cat came over - but still it was a great opportunity for him to pick her up and she went right to him (I was across the yard visiting with the neighbor).  Daddy is also VERY good on the playset :) and pushing her on the swing - I can't believe I didn't have my camera out ....what was I thinking??  Oh well, next time...there will be many more :)


Wednesday – September 5, 2012 (in India)

Anjali woke this morning and looked at Brad then looked at me and started crying (as if to say, "oh, it's you two again - I was hoping I would wake up and be at Bal Asha"  – then she looked at me again and called out Momma and then was glued to me the rest of the day! We had a pretty good day – we bathed her standing in the shower like at BAT and we washed her hair with lice cream rinse – because we did see a live lice (louse)…whatever. I showered and did a treatment on myself as well, Brad did as welll – as directed by our doctor’s instructions. She did not like to be in the shower – so Brad took her as I finished up. When I was done, she came to me right away… now she’s not wanting to be held by Brad. We had a pretty good day – she’s still grieving – but we are getting through it. She almost grinned during one of her diaper changes. It was a quiet day in our hotel room, trying some play time with cloth books and a few toys. She’s napping and sleeping well, which is a huge blessing. I’m napping too :)

One thing that our agency recommended was for me to leave the hotel room (alone) once a day and leave Anjali with Brad…so she could learn to trust him and bond with him, get used to him, etc. So today I tried it. Our room is on the 5th floor - as I walked through the lobby hallway on level ZERO I could clearly hear her screams through the air vents 5 stories down!! I couldn't believe it. She did go to Brad for comfort and to take her out the door to " look for me" I wasn't gone long but wow was she exhausted and took a long nap, which I did too! I think there is slow progress with Brad. She's eating from him banana, water etc. It was kindof funny when I returned to the room. She was sitting in the corner chair with her baby doll – as quiet as a mouse. I asked Brad, “did you put her there”….he said, “no, Sandeep did – he spoke to her in her language (I think with a strong authoritative voice) and sat her down and she hasn’t moved a bit!”. Sandeep is our housekeeper – he is AWESOME! I think little miss got her first Indian timeout! Then and even more so now do we see that she does need a bit of authority – she’s large and in-charge and needs discipline…of course in a loving way, but never the less…she does much better with boundaries. I’ll jump ahead a bit and share – on our last day when we were checking out of the hotel heading for New Delhi – Sandeep (see below) stopped by and gave her this little windup toy – he was so sweet to her :)  We were so very blessed by the staff at Kohinoor in Mumbai.

Just a bit of advice - if you are traveling for your child any where other than New Delhi - I would HIGHLY recommend that you add a few extra days to your stay for bonding before flying to New Delhi - this is what we did - and we don't regret the extra cost one bit! We believe it made all the world of difference to her in getting to know us before moving locations.  (At first in New Delhi she didn't like the new hotel room and pointed to the door as if to say - let's go back to Kohinoor - but she warmed up pretty quick).

Daily Trip must haves:
Nix Lice cream rinse – several boxes – in case any luggage gets lost :)
Cloth books with hidden flaps, etc. - this one had a ball you could hide inside certain pages or behind or under flaps on each page - she seemed to like "knowing" where the ball was hidden.

Daily Lessons:

If you want to connect - you got to get on the floor at their eye level - thank you Dr. Purvis :)

We all are better off with boundaries.

Children really do want to obey and do enjoy structure.

Certainly fear can provide an opening for bonding – but it’s not the way we chose to do it in the end, while in India  – gradually at home she is coming to Brad to play, etc. and she cries when he leaves for work - but even that is getting less -- especially when she sees him come home every night.  The first night he came home from work you should have seen the look on her face - it was a mix between total shock and great joy...."he came back!!"  She's growing to love him every day :)  and meanwhile, she's allowing me to leave the room for longer and longer periods of time.